In a recent discussion, child psychologist Becky Kennedy highlighted the importance of moving beyond simple phrases like "good job" when praising children. According to Kennedy, while such phrases are not harmful, they can often act as conversation stoppers. Instead, parents should focus on asking follow-up questions and providing specific praise to foster genuine confidence in their children. This approach helps kids develop inner efficacy, enabling them to believe in their abilities and take on challenges with more assurance. By encouraging self-validation, parents can help their children grow into successful adults who are less reliant on external validation.
The Power of Specific Praise in Child Development
In a podcast episode from last month, Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and host of the "Good Inside" parenting podcast, shared insights on how parents can enhance their children's confidence through thoughtful praise. Kennedy emphasized that while phrases like "good job" are common, they lack the depth needed to truly build a child's self-esteem. When a child brings home a piece of work they're proud of, parents should delve deeper by asking about the process and effort involved. For instance, instead of simply acknowledging the result, parents can inquire about what made the project challenging or rewarding. This method encourages children to reflect on their efforts and achievements, reinforcing positive behaviors.
Kennedy, who has three children herself, acknowledged that this advice might initially seem tedious. However, she stressed that fostering open conversations about a child's experiences ultimately leads to better emotional development. By showing genuine interest, parents can create an environment where children feel valued and understood. Moreover, developmental psychologist Aliza Pressman supports this view, noting that specific praise helps children develop inner efficacy—the belief in their own capabilities—which is crucial for future success.
Ultimately, teaching children to validate themselves without relying solely on external approval is one of the most important skills parents can impart. Children who learn to assess their own work and accomplishments tend to be more resilient against anxiety and depression. They grow up feeling more secure and capable, ready to face life's challenges with confidence.
From a journalist's perspective, this advice resonates deeply. In a world where external validation is readily available through social media and other platforms, it's refreshing to see experts emphasizing the value of self-validation. By focusing on meaningful praise, parents can nurture emotionally healthy and confident individuals who are well-prepared for the complexities of adulthood.